I’m tired of existing, of staying awake, of watching everything else fall apart while work remains the one thing I can still do.
Category: Outside These Rooms
These are the rooms built afterward.
The ones shaped by memory, longing, fear, and inherited ways of loving.
Here, I try to piece together fragments of the house —
old understandings of love, closeness, grief, and survival that were never meant to fit neatly together.
These are stories about what survived outside the house.
Because the blueprint itself was fragmented.
Him
I’ve realised,not through research,but through my own experience,that the mind, indeed,can be trained. I used to cry.To wonder.To begyouto talk to me. You always said the same thing.How busy you were.How you don’t like being on your phone.How you don’t even like calls. For months,I … Continue reading Him
Grief
I hate change. Always did. But unfortunately, change doesn’t ask for permission. So what do I do now? Where do I now belong?
“Charmaine”
Twenty-two years ago, I left without saying goodbye. I don’t remember her face anymore, only the possibility that her name was Charmaine and the circle we drew in the dirt to play diketo. This is the story of a childhood friendship that never got an ending, and the first room I unknowingly left unfinished.
Returning to the Blueprint
I thought growth meant leaving the house behind. Instead, it asked me to return to it. In 2026, I learned that some foundations cannot be rebuilt until you are willing to study the blueprint that created them.
Blueprints
I still build relationships using the same blueprint the house gave me: hold tightly, stay close, do not leave me.
