Where do I start?

The point where nothing changed,

and we stuck together like glue?

I asked someone recently,

how do you pick a football team to support?

He said, amongst other things,

“You just need to find a sense of belonging.”

For once,

I felt that I belonged.

That you were in it for the long run.

That nothing would change.

That we were in it for the long run.

For the longest time,

I always stuck to myself.

Never invited people over.

Never got close enough to feel our arms touch.

But then I felt like I belonged to you.

And I finally let you into my space.

A couple of times.

And I finally understood

what that person meant.

That sense of belonging.

For once,

I thought I had found mine.

But I was wrong.

Wasn’t I?

But I’m forever reminded

that the safest place

is your very own presence.

You changed.

You showed me sides of you

that made me question my own self.

One day I got home,

and something very different happened to me.

Almost like I was experiencing

or envisioning something different from my reality.

It made me question everything I’ve ever known.

It made me question who I am,

and who I’ve always known myself to be.

It almost felt like I was acting on Split.

And you.

You always were available for us.

In the beginning.

We always teased him about not joining us,

but you didn’t mind being with us girls.

It carried on for a few months.

And you, too,

changed.

Now, it’s like I never knew you.

I hate change.

Always did.

But unfortunately,

change doesn’t ask for permission.

So what do I do now?

Where do I now belong?